At the start of the school year, I started working with Project Healthy Body. I kept it close to the vest, only telling a handful of people, and this list did not include my husband. I waited to say anything to Mark until he noticed something different about me, and it had nothing to do with weight loss. WHY? Because for the first time, this is not about my friends, my family, my husband, an event, or a number.  It is about me and me alone.

IMG_9377It has been painstakingly S-L-O-W, and while I was outwardly saying I was good with it, I wasn’t there yet. I had a vision of where I would be at this moment. While I was making changes toward healthy, I still had a diet mentality. I’ve been on one diet or another for more than half of my life! You name it I’ve tried it to include my favorite of all diets, the fuck it diet or who really gives a crap you are just going to fail so live your best life diet. So far, I’ve lost almost 24 inches off of my body and 16 lbs.

Remember the bike I’m riding on my path toward health and wellness? Well, I recently fell off and crashed into a wall. I didn’t pick myself up, brush myself off, and pump up my tires. I didn’t sit with my feelings, I didn’t face my stuff, and I stuffed my face. I let a series of moments turn into an event.

Addiction lives in isolation and healing lives in connection. I retreated instead of connecting with my  people. I went on autopilot when a series of unrelated moments occurred. I took care of everyone around me from family, friends, students, and colleagues. I neglected my self-care. Self-care is not selfish; it is the best form of self-love and healing you can give yourself.

So what, now what? I’m moving forward, continuing to work in the small, and I will forever be a work in progress. I thought I was through the bulk of my healing in 2019, and while I’m not there yet, I’m on the right path, I will fall off my bike again, and instead of sitting in the weeds I will reach out rather than retreat. Today I picked myself back up, and I am loved. I am perfectly imperfect, and I am enough.

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