Project Healthy Natasha
When I jumped on the scale yesterday morning, I was excited to find that I had lost another pound. Since joining PHB, I have lost nine pounds. When I think of those nine pounds gone from my body, I feel so much pride. Of course, I want to lose even more – but these pounds are different than the countless that I have lost in the past. I did all of this without dieting or starving myself. I did this by living my life and making incremental changes (some small / some big). Perhaps the most significant difference is that I did all of this without a relapse of bulimia.
I did this.
I am a work in progress and that progress has never felt more rewarding than it does now. Looking back, it is astonishing to me how I used to treat my body. For example, over a five year period, I went through two rounds of a sixteen week diet which required me to only drink shakes and one bowl of soup per day. Of course, I lost LOTS of weight; of course, I gained it all back…plus a little more each time. I did this to myself twice. My husband did this to himself twice. We spent nearly twenty thousand dollars on this! Why didn’t it work? Why am I broken? Will this always be my fight? I wasted so much time feeding my negative roommate and being so frustrated with myself for being unable to achieve this thing that consumed my life.
Today, I have ditched the shakes and the excuses for Project Healthy Body. I am doing the hard emotional work of healing, battling my PCOS, and finding out who I really am – all while living my life without constantly being consumed with being skinny. My why has changed from skinny to healthy and that has made all the difference.
I lost those nine pounds.
I cried with joy and pride when I saw the number. I did that, plus so much more. I had a regular period that I haven’t had in years. I found the confidence to make big changes, like moving to a new state, leaving a very successful career, and deciding to stay at home full time with my children. The big changes and the small changes are all adding up to greater health and vitality. I move my body each day, drink my green drink and lemon water, take my probiotics, and eat the formula. I am modeling good healthy habits for my children, who are also learning to be healthy along with me.
I am doing this, but I am not alone.
How do you thank someone for this roadmap toward greater health? As a client, this program is hard – as a coach, I can’t imagine how challenging it can be to lead this group sometimes. We are addicts. At times, we blame everyone around us instead of looking at ourselves because the addiction is so strong. There are people who quit because they are not ready to receive the truth. Some will push those who can see through their bullshit away because it shines a spotlight on the things they are unable to accept responsibility for.
Having coaches who have walked through the messiness of getting healthy makes all the difference. It resonates and it is inspiring. Sometimes, the truth hits me hard and I feel defensive because I am stubborn and want to be perfect. When I think about what made them successful and the behaviors that I want to model, I think about vulnerability. I think about being seen, which I am practicing. I also think about giving back to this community that has given me so much. So here I am with my story. Thank you for reading this and seeing me. If it can help even one person feel less alone in this struggle, it is a gift.
I am doing this, and you can too.